Brief history of relationships

For those of you who are curious and even more for those of you who may be interested in me and want to know this, here’s a very brief history of my significant relationships.

My first girlfriend was also my first lover and first wife. We separated when I was 24. At the time we separated I had never gone out with, kissed, or had sex with another woman. I got involved with my second wife on the rebound. We separated when I was 29. I’ve lived with 3 other women and have loved 22 women, if I’m recalling it correctly. Twelve of the women I’ve loved didn’t love me in return. In one case she didn’t even know I loved her at the time. Then we got back together years later, but by then I no longer loved her.

Some of the women I didn’t live with were more significant to me than some I did live with. Some of the women I never had sex with were more significant to me than some I did have sex with. I was sure (at the time) that more than a few of those women were “the one.” That’s a tribute to the phenylethylamine rush that lasts for up to a year, but not much longer than that.

My longest romantic relationship was my first one – 7 years and 4 months from our first date until we separated. My shortest one lasted 8 days from the day I met her until she moved on (one of the women who didn’t return my love and who I never had sex with). Yet, I still think of her as one of my greatest loves.

Some of the women I’ve loved are still my friends today. I have occasional contact with others. I’d still be friends with all of them if they were all interested. I'm not one to totally cut off contact with anyone I’ve loved. They may be out of my life, but they aren’t out of my heart. However, there’s no one from my past who I wish I could be in a romantic relationship with now. None of them is the woman I'm seeking.

Most recently, I was in an off and on relationship for a little over 2 years. We loved each other (and I still love her) even though in many ways we’re a case of “opposites attract.” Unfortunately, she’s always wanted me to be a lot more like her, and I have to admit, I’ve wished she were a lot more like me. I regret that we couldn’t overcome our differences, and, in the end, they’re just too great. Neither of us wants to give up who we really are and what’s really important to us in order to please the other. Nevertheless, I feel tremendous gratitude toward her for all the contributions she made to me, and we are continuing to be friends.

In fact, I can say that about all the women I’ve ever been involved with. They all made great contributions to me (and in some cases still do make contributions that make a difference), and I'll be eternally grateful that they were part of my life for however long it was. Each of them has a permanent place in my heart. (I'm envisioning Anasazi cliff dwellings right now.)

So, here I am again, opening myself to finding “the one,” the woman of my dreams, my spiritual partner, my soulmate. If you (that woman) are reading, I'm eager to hear from you.

Michael
consciousheart@earthlink.net